Pushing Myself

At the beginning of January, I decided Charlie and I needed to have reasons to leave the house on the regular basis, preferably for an activity we can participate in together and meet some new friends.

Of course, being a first time mom (FTM – which I actually thought stood for “Full Time Mom” for the longest time), I didn’t realize how quickly many of these programs filled up. I mean, how many non-English major nerds would want to do Baby Rhyme Time at the library? It turns out all of them. So we took what we could get at the last minute — stroller fitness.

We had tried a trial of the class before we signed up, and just weren’t feeling it. Strollers in a gym? Babies strapped in for 95% of the class? Like it could be a decent work out.

And then two days later, I still needed Scott to pull me off the couch.

So then why was I so hesitant to sign up for this class?

It wasn’t the money (though it was one of the more expensive options I found, meaning if I was going, I was going to commit to going every week). It wasn’t the time (Charlie’s nap usually should happen right when we get there, but she loves skipping naps and usually means she snuggles in to sleep on me afterwards). It wasn’t the location (if it was nice out, we could walk and not break a sweat it’s so close).

It was the fact that despite being a mother in my 30s, the minute the instructor called “find your partner,” I was certain that I had been transported back to Grade 9 gym: self-conscious about my body. Petrified not being able to do enough push ups. Always being the last one picked. The only difference was having Charlie with me.

Turns out that “only” is a major game changer. I’m less aware of the jiggle in my thighs when doing fast feet when I have to also be making faces to entertain her. I’m more motivated to push myself through one more push up so she can see that the most important thing is to try (ok – I have also used her “dirty diaper” as an excuse once to skip out on a round when I know I’m going to fail). And not having any friends is ok, because she is always there to talk to.

I’ve got a reminder programmed in my phone for the morning registration starts for the next mom & baby session at the library so we won’t be disappointed again. But honestly? We might try to do both. Sure, we’re not as comfortable in the community centre gym as a basement of a library, but sometimes it’s not just enough to do a push up. It’s not just enough to push a stroller. Sometimes, you have to push yourself outside your comfort zone.

Categories: The new identity | Leave a comment

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