It’s been a while since I’ve been around these parts. In the old days of the old blog, that would likely mean I was struggling with something. That’s not the case this time. I’m a little worried that the bottom will fall out if I say this, but let’s tempt fate.

I’m content.

It’s like life has settled down, and I’ve settled down with it. C and I have agreed on a flexible schedule, and as a result, she is sleeping (and eating) better both during the day and at night. As a result, I’ve felt more capable of tackling projects and setting goals for myself. I’ve made peace with my body, and as a result, I’ve been taking more walks, finding time for more runs, and generally eating better because I choose to, not because I feel an obligation. Most weeks, I feel I’m keeping the house under control, and have stopped hyperventilating at the thought of my sister showing up unexpectedly so my newly potty trained nephew can use our bathroom in the midst of their errands. And as terribly cheesy as it sounds, with C having been baptized this last weekend, I am considerably less paranoid about her well being. Plus, it allowed our little family to join a church, which completed a part of my life again that I had forgotten was even missing.

Life’s not perfect. I’m actively avoiding the thought of returning to work because it feels like ripping my heart out to even think about putting C into daycare. I’m procrastinating certain projects because I just don’t feel like doing them. And sometimes, I need to give my priorities a little bit of a shift.

But for the first time in a very very long time, I’m not anxiously planning the next step. I’m not figuring out how to make life better, or out do where I am now. I’m happy with where my life is right now, and I’m enjoying just living in it.

Categories: The new identity | 1 Comment

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One thought on “Content

  1. Isn’t that a great feeling! I am finding myself getting there. I struggle with work or a few of my relationships here and there, but for the most part, I am pretty happy with my life and where it’s going and I’m finding myself living more in the moment too! At any rate, I’m at peace and I think that’s what’s most important!

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