Monthly Archives: August 2015

Having a bad day

It doesn’t take much to start a bad day. It can be a bit of rain derailing your morning plans. It can be your daughter suddenly refusing to eat her favourite meal. It can be seeing a speed trap and then looking at your speedometer and realizing the speed limit isn’t what you thought it was. It can be lamenting that there are only a small handful of day before you return to work. It can be all of those or none of those, or even reasons you don’t understand. And sometimes, you just need a bad day to give you an excuse to feel sorry for yourself.

But sometimes it just goes too far.

Monday was a bad day for all of the above reasons (though I was neither ticketed nor pulled over) and I just wasn’t able to shake it when we got to stroller fitness (rescheduled from the morning to the afternoon because of rain). I thought the work out was helping but suddenly found myself watching two kids slightly younger than C playing.

One was walking.

One had a relatively verbose vocabulary.

C has walked a grand total of 3 steps. She also has a grand total of 2 words. It didn’t matter how many times I’ve read, heard, or even said: “Each baby develops in their own unique way in their own special time,” the storm cloud over my head darkened and in that moment, I believed myself to be a complete and total failure as a mom. And with only 2 weeks left until I go back to work, I didn’t have enough time to correct my mistakes and so Little C would be doomed forever.

I know she’s not. I know she is exactly on track, and I know there is nothing I can do to speed up her development. But a bad day makes all the doubts in your head that much worse.

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Categories: The new identity | 2 Comments

Things I’m Loving Friday #9

Guys, it’s raining. My baby woke up in the middle of the night, and then decided morning started almost an hour early. Considering I’ve been getting 9 hours of sleep a night, and still being exhausted, I’m feeling like a zombie right now. Things I’m loving? My bed. Sleep. And I would say coffee, but my miraculous ability to process caffeine seems to have disappeared as quickly as it appeared. But let’s try this.

Double Hammocks

I had a conversation with my sister about the best carrier for her upcoming trip to Disney World. She wanted to try one of my wraps, and I thought she was crazy. I mean, she has a Boba. Four clicks and she’s on her way! After a couple weeks with it, she agreed that a SSC (soft-structured carrier) was the way to go and that yes, people must be crazy who say wovens are better than SSCs. Last night when I had my long wrap back, I decided to try one of the most popular back carries, the double hammock. Yup, that carry is precisely why people say wraps are better than SSCs. Even with a messy, poorly tightened wrap job, it was the most comfortable C has ever felt on my back. 20947916161_071f0db6fa_zThose First Steps

As much time as C spends on my back, she does get quite the amount of free wandering time and that paid off earlier this week. While she refuses to replicate it, C took her first 3 steps going from my arms to Scott’s. While not as heartmelting as the first smile, or the first words, it was pretty epic.

President’s Choice Organics Baby Food Pack

I like to make most of C’s food to make sure what she’s eating is going to do more good than bad, in terms of her allergies, her overall health, and my bank account. That being said, she’s also at that stage where she’s starting to get picky about what she eats, particularly as teeth decide to come in. There is nothing worse than going on a picnic and having her suddenly decide that she is no longer a fan of peas, won’t look twice at that potato and heaven forbid you offer her chicken. I keep a food pack in the diaper bag at all times and will throw an extra in the cooler “just in case”. Most times, we don’t need it but there have been times when it’s come in handy.

Coca-Cola

Remember how I just complained that I couldn’t ingest caffeine? I suppose more specifically, I can’t ingest coffee without getting the jitters.  Coke is my only saving grace right now. I know, it’s terrible for me and it’s more likely the sugar giving my body the push it needs to get through the day, but I’ve been trying to only drink it as necessary.

Twizzlers

I have a rule: I can’t go up to a cabin or out on a camping trip without Twizzlers. Despite being a beach yesterday (St. Malo) and a beach today (Matlock), we are going up to the cabin for the weekend and I’ve already stocked up on Twizzlers.

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Fashion Plate

Back when I had the time, energy and inclination, I blogged daily the outfits I was wearing. I occasionally was solicited to review products from a couple clothing companies. I even was quoted and pictured in a Huffington Post article. But one of my proudest moments was when an aunt of mine referred to be as a fashion plate.

That same phrase was used the other weekend by my mother-in-law. While I did indeed still swell with a bit of pride, it was a comment directed towards my daughter and not myself.

There was no mistaking that.

C looked adorable. I looked dressed.

There were times simply being dressed was a huge accomplishment. Those hot summer days towards the end pregnancy when nothing but pajamas fit. Those early days of motherhood when you don’t even know the last time you slept let alone did laundry. But we’re passed those days.

Without a doubt the day will come when C is old enough to choose her own clothes, maybe even buy her own clothes when I will be willing to accept that she has surpassed me in style. But there is absolutely no reason I have to pass the baton yet.

I return to work in three short weeks. I will have no excuse to not get pulled together on a regular basis. I no longer have the excuse that “I’m still losing the baby weight” (I’m a touch smaller than before, albeit more squishy), or that “most of my wardrobe is work clothes” (since, you know, I’ll be back at work). But after having mentally checked out of the fashion world for the last year and a half (give or take a few months), staring into my closet it already giving me cold sweats.

I have three weeks to come to get soak up every last minute with my daughter. I have three weeks to enjoy the last dregs of summer. And I have three weeks to remember how to dress myself every day.

It’s going to be a busy three weeks.

Categories: The new identity | 1 Comment

Things I’m loving Friday #8

I had to ask Scott this morning what day of the week it was when he left. It’s been a busy busy week after a busy busy weekend.

Chimparoo Trek

Eight weeks in and I fear I’m repeating myself with some babywearing type entry but this carrier saved my butt on Monday. We have stroller fitness Mondays but after the weekend we had with Scott’s brother’s wedding C and I were tired and grouchy when we showed up at the park. Twenty minutes in and C had enough of the stroller so she went up on my back in the Trek and soon was giggling like crazy being a part of my (modified) workout.

IMG_4174Fluffy-ish Vegan-ish Cupcakes

We’re three weeks from C’s birthday and still on the “no egg” diet so I’ve been taking advantage of other people’s birthdays to test cake recipes. While most vegan cakes are still delicious, they are usually very dense and I like my cakes fluffy. And you know what makes cakes fluffy? Egg. But finally, this is the closest recipe I’ve found! (But I totally use butter and milk instead of vegan alternatives)

New Cellphone

Despite having decided that I wasn’t getting a new phone until October when the iPhone 6 would drop in price, I had to scramble after my iPhone 4S dropped into the sink. A very long, expensive trip to the phone store later, I have a much more reliable phone. The only problem (besides the credit card bill I racked up there) is that the screen on the 6 (not even the 6 Plus) is too big for my little hands.

Raspberries

C and I could eat a pint between ourselves in mere minutes if we didn’t have that whole “eat a balanced meal” thing to deal with. I think every time we set foot in the grocery store, we come home with another clamshell of them.

This Outfit

C received this as a gift from her great-aunt and uncle, and I’m so excited she’s finally big enough for it. It’s kind of scary to think that in 3 weeks, I’m going to have to switch from planning cute outfits for her, to professional outfits for me. I’ve checked out of fashion for the last 12+ months. I have no idea what’s in style for anyone over the age of 3! Do you think they make this in my size?

Categories: The new identity, Things I'm Loving Friday | 2 Comments

Excuses

We’ve been rocking a fairly solid bedtime routine with C for as long as I can remember. Pajamas. Milk. Story. Song. Rock. Sleep. And it was fabulous, often taking less than 5 minutes to get her to sleep, so we didn’t worry about the haters tutting about nursing that close to bedtime, or rocking her to sleep, because they were all spending hours trying to get their baby to sleep.

When C hit 9 months, she stopped being a dream to put to sleep. The first night we blamed it on the fact she likely had her mind blown visiting the zoo that morning. The next night we blamed it on her raucous cousins at a family BBQ. By the third night, we blamed the 9 month sleep regression. Eight weeks later, we’ve just decided she either hates us and tries to make our lives hard, or loves us too much to spend one minute apart from us in sleep.

I’m sure the only real excuse we have is that vacations and family gatherings have wrecked havoc on her sleep in general, skipping naps and pushing bedtime to all hours of the night.

Or so we thought. While at a family wedding, my mother put our sweet baby to bed. Not to sleep. To bed. The sweet little thing fell asleep on her own. In a strange room. In a strange bed. Without us there.

We’re trying to replicate that at home, after growing weary of rocking her for hours as she flails about fighting with every ounce of her being. There has been no success for me. She’ll do it for Scott but not me. There have been plenty of excuses.

  • Oh look! She’s teething! (Isn’t she always?)
  • She’s moving around too much. It’s obvious that she just isn’t tired enough! (This kid has two settings: moving and asleep)
  • She had a rough day because she banged her head/went for a walk/ skipped her nap/ had her nap

The one I don’t let myself think is: “She can’t put herself to sleep because I have created a pattern of rocking her”.

There is a certain degree of truth to it, as she does expect to be rocked every night I put her to bed at home. It just doesn’t seem to be a huge impediment at other times. After all, she survived a weekend away from home without a rocking chair. Even at home, she doesn’t need to be rocked back to sleep every time she wakes up: she’s been doing a great job of self-soothing for the last few months, only occasionally needing us in the middle of the night. It’s just an issue at bedtime.

Last night, as I tagged out after almost an hour of battling her, I ran to google for the answer. It provided me with two: the first obviously being that she needed to be sleep trained cry-it-out style or I will be rocking her to sleep until she is married because every child must fall asleep on their own by the age of four months, and oh my god, you’re a terrible parent to not have done that because heaven forbid there be another way to parent. And the second was less obvious but slowly appeared to me as I perused sleep sites, parenting columns and message boards: “This is completely normal”. Eleven months is just a rough time for sleep, whether it’s because of developing skills, changes in routine, or just general interest in the world.

A lot of big stuff will be happening for C over the next month. She’s getting so close to walking, and she’ll be starting “Daycare” at Nana and Grandpa’s soon. I think we just have to accept that nights may not get any easier around here for the next little while. But my little one isn’t all about the snuggles. She’s a loving girl, but in a very active way. Rocking her, as she finally succumbs to sleep is often the closest I get to a cuddle, and those cuddles recharge my batteries.

If that’s an excuse, so be it.

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Things I’m Loving Friday #7

We are packing up… again… this weekend. This time, we’re just gone for a couple days for Scott’s brother’s wedding. If you ignore the fact it will be 37C/99F on Friday, feeling like 43C/109F as we set up for the wedding, and only slightly cooler on Saturday for the outdoor ceremony; the fact I don’t have an itemized itinerary for my control freak ways; the fear of having C stay overnight in a hotel (with people on the other side of the wall to hear her scream) for the first time, I’m looking forward to it. But it was a busy week after coming back from holidays and then gearing up for this… plus my mother’s birthday… plus all the usual stuff!

Playing with the “big kids”

My sister asked me to come over to help her get ready for our mom’s birthday barbecue, but I ended up just playing with her kids. It’d been a while since I actually got down and played right with them for longer than just one of C’s naps. Hopefully that meant they were out of her hair?

Giggles

C and I have a new game every week it seems. The other week, she was BIG into hide and seek (she would crawl to a corner, and then check to see if I followed her). This week, we’ve been working on “above” and “below,” with games where I pretend I’m an animal jumping whenever she goes into the playpen, or she’s in her crib after her nap. She giggles so hard she falls down.

Amazon

My mom’s birthday was this week. My dad’s is next week. Scott’s is the following week. C’s is less than a month after that. I could either spend the entire remainder of my mat leave at the mall, or order presents from my phone as I hold a sleeping baby.

Sling Rings

Some days the only way to get cuddles from C is to tie her to me. I grabbed some sling rings to try with my woven wraps and discovered that while they are more convenient to use than slip knots, they are also fabulous for entertaining C. Chew toys? Musical instruments? Throwing rings? No end of amusement for her.

Short Weeks

C is definitely enamoured with her daddy, and he’s not half bad in my books either. She and I have really hit our stride being just the two of us 9 hours a day, 5 days a week, but life is so much more fun when we’re all together.

Categories: The new identity, Things I'm Loving Friday | 1 Comment

Things I’m Loving Friday #6 Vacation Edition

We just arrived home and are sort of-kind of-not really unpacked, but it’s a great time to reflect on what I loved about this week away

The First Perfectly Roasted Marshmellow

No marshmellow is better than that first one that you patiently sit and rotate over the perfect spot.

The Perfect Excuse for Buying Coffee AND Ice Cream every day

I’m not so masochistic as to try on the dress I need to wear in a week after that, though. A few days of running and I’ll be moe brave, but it was definitely worth the deliciousness to treat ourselves. And it wasn’t every day. But it was close 🙂

Napping on the go

Putting C down for naps has been a chore, since she’s starting to work her way to one nap, so any time we could try to get her to nap in the car or the stroller, we went for it. They weren’t the longest naps, nor did they happen with the same regularity as we had hoped (like how she refused to nap in a carrier for the first three days, and then on the fourth when we wanted her to stay awake for just another 5 minutes, of course she fell asleep in it).

Going to bed whenever you feel like it

8:55, baby is asleep. 9:05, I’m asleep. #noregrets

Tradition

Ok, the ice cream could fall under this one too, but we have PLENTY of traditions to uphold every time we go camping, especially since we’ve been camping at the same place for pretty much my entire life. Sure, Scott, C and I wussed out this year and rented a cabin, but we still tried to uphold as many traditions as we could, such as singing “Going Camping” from the Muppets’ Rocky Mountain Holiday as we start our vacation, walking down the pier (even if we had to do it in the rain on the last full day), and going through all the little shops in town. Ok, I try to uphold these traditions, and Scott tries to put up with me.

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Currently: In August

Creating: Memories. Right now, we’re on our first family vacation. Sure, Scott and I have been on vacation together, but now we’re a real little family.

Wishlisting: All the things I want to do with C in the last few weeks of summer/mat leave. We need to go for more walks, and read more books, and have all the snuggles. I feel like once I go back to work, she doesn’t get to be a baby any more, so I’m trying to soak up all the baby I can.

Hoping: to come up with a good idea for C’s birthday party. I never got the whole “perfectly decorated over the top” first birthday before. I mean, the kid is 1. The kid will not remember it. Oh, but I will. This party is as much for her as for me.

Eating: All kinds of cake. C is still off of eggs until we see the allergist, so trying to come up with a first birthday cake that is edible is taking a lot of experimenting. Ok, I’m not complaining about that 🙂

Watching: Not much that’s new. Netflix hasn’t been very fruitful lately.

Categories: Currently, The new identity | 3 Comments

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