Yesterday, my daughter snuggled with me. Good, hard, long snuggles. The kind of snuggles you always imagine when you think about motherhood. Then, she had a rough time napping, so she slept on me. It was another hour of snuggles. The afternoon was spent running errands together. There were laughs. There were high fives. That evening, exhausted from the day, she fell asleep in my arms before I could get through her bedtime story.
Motherhood felt magic as I went to bed.
This morning her hug wasn’t that tight when I picked her out of the crib. There were no silly faces made at the breakfast table. And when I went to give her a goodbye hug and kiss, she pushed me away and screamed.
It’s been 405 days that I’ve been a mother. Yes, by now I know that there are good days and there are bad days. And I know that if I want the good days to still feel like magic, the bad days will still feel like heartache.